Robin Garr Writes the Lustful Prose You've Always Hoped He Would

While Robin Garr's LEO Weekly review of the newly relaunched Coach Lamp Restaurant & Pub contained no score, he stuck one on the end of the version he posts on his Louisville Hot Bytes Forum—78. That score's the lowest Garr's given a restaurant since this site has been around: one point lower than Simply Thai and a full four points below The Chipotle Line.

While Garr's mac and cheese side may have been "bland" and "meh," his thoughts on The Food Network were downright spicy:

OK, I am just going to come right out and say it: I am so over Food Network. Have been for years, really. She's like an old flame, full of bad memories of a romance I try to suppress now that I'm no longer quite so young and stupid. Oh, I loved her back then, I truly did. She was late coming to Louisville, and I lusted after her in my heart when I read my friends' stories online about her seductive wiles. And when she finally came to town, sometime around the turn of the millennium, as I recall, I was smitten, so smitten. I would watch for hours, lapping up food-geek goodies from a cable channel that seemed designed for cable's original purpose: "narrowcasting," sending gallons of goodies down a narrow pipe to a small audience for whom it was specifically designed. [LEO Weekly]

Gross.

Marty Rosen's online review of Food 4 Ur Soul in the Louisville Courier-Journal contained no score. So if you wanted to see if it'd be three straight weeks of "excellent" reviews, you'd probably have to touch icky newsprint. Totally not worth it:

On the subject of Southern sides, I usually defer to my mother-in-law, Roberta, who's been cooking and canning Southern-style vegetables for most of her 91 years. She thought the green beans were about as good as they get; I agreed, and I liked that they were touched up with a subtle, spicy kick from what might have been Old Bay seasoning. That little kick made me thing I ought to be using Old Bay in new ways — and it more than compensated for the fact that those beans were meat-free. Roberta liked the fried chicken, too — crisp, juicy and seasoned with a house mix of herbs and spices that merits close attention. Is it secret? I didn't ask, but if it's not it ought to be. Two pieces with a couple of side dishes cost $8.95.[Louisville Courier-Journal]

For the Voice-Tribune, better known as the newspaper stacked up by publisher Tracy Blue's dangling gams, Robin Garr reviewed Hay!! Chi Wa Waa. And for his own site, he gave it a score too: 84.

Just about every "Mexican" restaurant offers complimentary chips and salsa, but not necessarily the way Hay!! Chi Wa Waa does it. A generous, refillable bowl of thin, shatteringly crisp corn chips and four, count 'em, four colorful salsas: Warm, thick queso with onions; creamy salsa verde; a mild, savory tomato and cilantro-laden hot salsa with a real kick. We could have eaten a lot of that, but main dishes followed and both were fine. Golden tacos ($6.99) come in your choice of crispy or soft and loaded with beef or chicken. Our soft-taco trio came packed with juicy, tender chicken shreds and plenty of shredded yellow cheese, lettuce and tomato. [Voice-Tribune]

·All Week in Reviews [~ELOU~]
[Photo: CourtesyFacebook/Coach Lamp Restaurant]